He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
