the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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