dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
