and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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