My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
