I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
