My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
