I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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