I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
