barbara walters just said penis...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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