ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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