Your mouth is God's brothel.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
