i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
