i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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