hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
