a queef is a wish your heart makes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize