Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
