i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
