i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
