yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
