I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The air was thick with penises
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
