My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
