you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
