Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
