it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
