I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
