Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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