apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
