The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize