Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
