is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
