Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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