I'm going to jail i love you
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
