there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
