if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
