i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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