Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
