Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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