Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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