tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
