You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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