Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize