dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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