i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
