I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
