I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
