no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize