He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
