don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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