you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
