I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
