your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
