Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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