I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
