the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
