i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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