And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize