How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
