the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
