Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
is wine microwaveable?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
