Cold hands, warm shart.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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