meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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