I want to stick my p in your. b.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
