White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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