My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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