So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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