Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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