small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
