the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
