He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She told me I should be a condom model.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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