You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
