I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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