I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
