I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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