I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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