2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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