We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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