You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
